I AM IN A CAVE!

This is the CAVE I am in with my new and wonderful treasure.

I am in a cave. Right now. At this very moment. As I write these words I am deep, deep, deep beneath the ground. I am sure that right now, at this very moment, you are wondering why I am in a cave.

It is an excellent question.

I am in a cave - at this very moment - to protect a super wonderful treasure. I am sure you are thinking, right now, “why not store this treasure with all the rest of your treasure in your magnificent vaults?”

The answer is quite simple.

The treasure in this cave with me, right now, is so wonderful that it would make all of my other treasure pale in comparison. I love all of my treasure and don't want my current treasure to feel jealous.

So what is this wonderful treasure, you are probably wondering. So full of wonder!

I can't really say what it is; but I am allowed to provide clues. Hold on a moment, I need to double-check something - don't go anyplace!

Three clues. That's the max I can give you.

I am in this cave with a wonderful treasure and can give you three clues. Here's the first one:

• It is orange
• It is smaller than a lemon
• It weighs 5 ounces

There’s another clue I could give you but that would totally give it away. But there are some other things that aren’t clues that I can say. First of all, this wonderful treasure is something only a very small number of people on the earth have ever seen and most that do see it wish they hadn’t. When someone has this thing they are automatically given a prize and a special title that they keep as long as they have this thing.

While this thing has no moving parts it can be broken.

Sometimes - in the past - someone put this thing under a chicken to see if it would hatch. It didn’t, but the chicken was given a prize and a special title that it had for as a long as it was sitting on the egg. The nice thing about that chicken (and the reason it was chosen) was that it was not a bad or evil chicken. It was friendly and docile and always had a kind word for everyone it me.

One day, the chicken was out on a lake in a rowboat. It was a sunny summer afternoon and it spotted a small fish swimming under the water. The fish looked lost so the chicken stuck its head under the water and asked what was wrong. The fish told the chicken it was lost. The chicken told the fish that it had its phone and could look up directions. The fish gave the chicken the address and when the chicken punched it in it turns out it was right on the chicken,s way back to the dock. The fish and the chicken put some water into the boat (not enough to sink it of course) and the fish hopped right in Then the chicken started rowing again (which was harder with all of the water in the boat) until it was almost at the dock.

“Well, we’re here,” said the chicken, and pointed at the map on the phone. The fish smiled and said “thanks.”

“Before you go,” said the chicken, “I have a kind word for you. As ANDY LAM! said a few paragraphs ago, I have a kind word for everyone! You are the bravest and smartest fish I ever met!”

The fish blushed and jumped out of the boat and into the water. The chicken continued on to the dock, tied up and headed to its nest, where it found this small and wonderful orange treasure waiting to be sat on.

It’s that kind of wonderful and selfless thing that leads to this wonderful and mysterious treasure appearing in someone’s life - and now it has happened to me! It is just more evidence that I am among the most wonderful and special and mysterious and thoughtful and caring and kind and obedient and thrifty and brave and clean and reverent. There aren’t many people who can say that about themselves. I can. I have made it my life’s work to be one of “those” people, the kind of people everyone dreams of being - not just because I am smart and wealthy and attractive and witty and benevolent but because of the very nature of who I am.

Every fiber of my being is chuck full of wonderfulness and that is demonstrated again by my current presence in this cave, where I am right now - at this very moment - holding this most wonderful and mysterious treasure, one that makes even my own fabulous treasures pale in comparison.

Ever wonderful, I am . . .

ANDY LAM!