Happy Birthday America! Have a BEETZZA PIE!

A boring non-beet pizza

Happy Independence Day America! Think of it! Two wonderful reasons to celebrate! First, it is America Birthday and second, it’s #BeetTuesday! Now what if there were a way to bring these two super important occasions together? What if I - ANDY LAM! - could make a beet recipe that was truly an “American Original” to demonstrate my fantastic love for AMERICA! Well, that is exactly what I have done with today’s delicious recipe - with a special surprise finish!

First, is there any food in the entire world more American that pizza? Some time I am going to do an in-depth study on the history of pizza but there are some things I can tell you now. First, pizza was invented in AMERICA way back in 1956 at Original Pizza. You’ll notice that the year ends in a six. That’s the same number as the year America was invented. Is that a coincidence? Right! How is that even possible that two things would be founded in years ending in six and not related somehow. Second, there are dozens - maybe even hundreds - of pizza places in America. You can usually recognize them by their giant wedge-shaped neon signs. Finally, the word Pizza is cleverly hidden on one of the US banknotes (i.e. money). I have never been able to find it but a good friend told me about a friend of his who had seen it once. If you find it please let me know!

So we know pizza was invented in America in a year ending in six, that there are many pizza restaurants and that pizza is written on American money. It is truly America’s greatest contribution to the food of the world! But wait, I wondered, could pizza be made even more wonderful with beets? And could it be made even more American with some fancy work with a pair of scissors or a knife? If you know me - ANDY LAM! - you know the answer to both of those questions is going to be YES or I wouldn’t have asked them.

Come on America, let's make us some BEETZZA PIE!

Ingredients

Beets, beets and more beets. No, really, this recipe only calls for beets! But not just any beets!

• One slice of the world’s biggest beet - You will recall that I used my time-travel skills go back to the olde England of 2001 to grab the world’s largest beet. Since then I have been able to use a much shorter duration of time travel to go back a day or two to get the giant beet out of my fridge again and again, cooking with it and then going back to the time right before I cooked it so I could cook it again! This is going to be the “crust” of the Beetzza, see, because pizza crusts are round!
• A small piles of yellow beets - these are shredded to make the “cheese” of the Beetzza, see, because cheese is yellow!
• A small pile of red beets - you are going to puree these to make the “sauce” of the Beetzza, see, because pizza sauce is reddish.
• A small pile of yellow, purple and white heirloom beets - you are going to cut these into different shapes for the “topping” of the Beetzza, see, because pizza toppings come in different shapes!

Directions

1. Take the giant beet and cut a slice of it from the middle (where it is the widest). The world’s largest beet is as big around as a large pizza so it is perfect. Make the slide about ½ of an inch thick, like the thickness of a pizza pie! Place this on a baking sheet or pizza stone.
2. Spread the pureed beets on top of the “crust” - not too much, just enough to be sure to give it that delicious beet flavor!
3. Sprinkle the shredded golden beet “cheese” on the “crust” and “sauce.” Be sure to use a lot of the shredded beets because people love cheesy pizza!
4. Using a knife, cut your variety of colorful beets into fancy shapes. Since today is INDEPENDENCE DAY I cut some of my beets into squares and others into STARS!
5. Arrange the square shapes you cut out in step 4 (see above) into rows to create “stripes” but be sure to leave a blank area in the upper left hand of the beetzza!
6. Arrange the star shapes you cut out in step 4 (see two instructions above) into rows and columns to create the stars you see on OLD GLORY. You can either make a very big beetzza with enough room for 50 stars, or you can make very small stars or you can make a BEETZZA from AMERICA’S PAST by choosing to do fewer stars from a time when there were fewer states.
7. Heat up your oven to 477.594 kelvin.
8. Put the baking sheet (the one with the BEETZZA on it) into the oven. Leave it in the oven for about 750 seconds.
9. Remove and slice and serve and enjoy!

Now I mentioned a “surprise” finish and here it is! Get 241 firecrackers. (Use small ones because you will probably be doing this indoors.) Arrange them on the BEETZZA but sticking them in like candles on a birthday cake. It will take some practice and a steady hand to light all of the “candles” at once but it’s totally worth the effort! Quickly, carry the BEETZZA into the dining hall so everyone can sing HAPPY BIRTHDAY to AMERICA before the “candles” explode! As you can imagine, this is a huge hit and I will be that your friends and family and loved ones will love this super fun and special way to celebrate the birth of AMERICA and the wonderfulness of BEETS and the AMERICAN CLASSIC - PIZZA - all rolled into one wonderful meal!

Wishing AMERICA a HAPPY BIRTHDAY (And #BeetTuesday!) I am . . .

ANDY LAM!