Photographic Proof of Time Travel!

The famous Greek traveler, Ulysses!

A bunch of big jerks have been giving me a hard time about TIME TRAVEL. They say it isn’t possible and that my technique (of going counterclockwise around the North Pole to go backward and clockwise to go forward) is just hokum! Well have I got a surprise for them! I took my phone with me on a recent trip and have PHOTOGRAPHIC PROOF that I went backwards in time! Let me tell you about it.

I was talking to a person. Let's say this person is a man. I’m not going to say this person’s name because I don’t want to have any big jerks harassing him. But for our purposes I will call him the Bacon Commander. So the Bacon Commander was telling me about a terrible war that happened in America once. It was a war between the states he said, a CIVIL WAR. I had never heard of such a thing and so was naturally skeptical.

The Bacon Commander said that once, America was split into two teams: team Blue and team Gray. Each team chose a spot on the map of America to be their home base. Team Blue chose the north and Team Red chose the south. Both teams, according to the Bacon Commander, had a lot of guns and bullets and cannons and cannonballs and other old-fashioned war stuff for fighting.

This was something I just had to see for myself and so I took my rocketship back up to the NORTH POLE and started flying around in circles counterclockwise. Around and around I went - faster and faster until time and space started to smear and blur. I rode around the NORTH POLE until it was 1863 - right in the middle of the WAR of BLUE AND GREY. Smartly, I had my phone with me so I could take pictures of what I was seeing as proof for all of those doubting jerks! Here are a few of the fantastic things I saw!

This is “ABE” Lincoln. He was an honest fellow and became the king of the NORTH during the war. You will notice that this photograph is not in color. That is because color hadn’t been invented yet so everything was black and white and grey back in the olden days!

These four men all have guns and one of them is shooting. They were shooting at  a bird I think, or something else in the sky. The thing is, back in the olden times birds were just about the only thing in the sky so that is probably what he is shooting at. I can’t say I agree with bird killing but these were different times I guess!

At first you may look at this photograph and wonder, who are these two men riding on the backs of animals. I don’t know who the fellow on the near horse is - probably someone very important. But the rider of the second horse? That is Ulysses, the famous Greek warrior and travel buff. He also invented the $50! If you don’t believe me, look in your pocket (if you’re rich) and you will see his picture right on it! Here is a better picture of him riding his horse, whose name I think is Bucephalous or something.

In this picture you can see clearly that this is definitely Ulysses! Safe travels is what I yelled - that is why he is looking at me!

I met this strange character in the forest primeval. I was a little scared because he looked kind of tough. He was nice though and let me have a sip of water from his “canteen,” which is a small sealable container for carrying water. It is a good idea to have one in case you get thirsty and don’t have any money for soda. I would like to share an strange observation: Even in the olden times water tastes pretty much the way it tastes today. You would think that there could have been some improvement! I guess it just shows to go you (ha!) that some things are better left alone!

I think it is safe to say that these photographs, taken with my camera phone, are proof positive that time travel is possible. I mean how else could I have gotten these pictures? I love the feeling of vindication that comes with proving your point!

Now KNOWN as the greatest time traveler of all time (and with the photos to prove it!), I am . . .

ANDY LAM!