Troopers, Your Best Protection!

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Editor's Note: In light of Chris Christie's recent abduction by a terrible sea monster, this post in important to re-share! Troopers are your best protection against sea monsters!

Earlier today I was in Massachusetts. Massachusetts, in case you are not familiar with it, is a state in New England, which is a region in the northeastern portion of the United States of America, a nation that spans the North American continent from the Atlantic Ocean to the Pacific. The eastern edge of Massachusetts is a coastline along the Atlantic Ocean.

While I was in Massachusetts I saw a sticker on the back of an automobile. It said, “Troopers Are Your Best Protection.” I was immediately happy and relived! There are many things from which I would like to have protection and this is especially true when I am in a state that borders the Atlantic Ocean. Why? Like most reasonable people, I am afraid of sea monsters.

If you are not familiar with sea monsters, these are creatures that dwell in the deep. They come in many forms. Some have giant snapping shells that can bite a man (or woman) right in half! Others have long slithery tentacles that can pull a woman (or man) to their doom! Others have great big “blow holes” on their backs that can shoot a jet of water at incredible speeds at whatever the monster aims at! Some have long sharp fangs the can bite even the biggest ship to bits! Some have great huge claws that can reach out and grab people from the shore and feed them into the monster’s hungry maw!

With the Atlantic Ocean right east of Massachusetts, it is natural the the residents of the state are very aware and concerned with the danger of sea monsters. If I were the lord of Massachusetts I would make everyone move far from the shore and I would build a wall to keep the sea monsters at bay.

As it turns out, the people of Massachusetts are a little more cavalier with their health and safety than I am and I think this is in large part due to their “Troopers.” These brave women and men are always ready to battle the sea monsters. They form brave battalions that patrol the shoreline to keep the sea monsters away from the people.

They do this at great personal sacrifice. I, myself, have imagined a number of scenarios where these brave Troopers have fought off a sea monster onslaught with their lasers and ray guns and energy weapons and swords and nunchucks and lances and maces and pikes and pole arms and canons and throwing stars and darts and machine guns and shotguns and blowguns and time bombs and atom bombs and sticks and stones.

As these terrible creatures attempt to gain a foothold on our sacred shores these brave Troopers repel them with so much force! The shrieks of the sea monsters and the clash and clatter and reports of the Troopers’ weapons creating a din that rocks the shore and stones and sky and sea! They throw the monsters back into the dark depths of the hellish deep where they nurse their wounds and mourn their dead.

Back on the shore, I imagine the celebrations! The monsters have been vanquished by the brave Troopers! They have been defeated and thrown back into the sea! The people of Massachusetts have been saved, yet again, by the superhuman actions of the brave Troopers! Again the people of Massachusetts are reminded that Troopers truly are the best protection!

Amazed by the troopers’ bravery and thankful for their action, I am . . .

ANDY LAM!