So some of you have finally figured it out. Good on you. You don't need to worry, your precious Andy Lam is fine - for the moment. My crew has Andy tucked away while we work to get into the cave. We haven't been able to get in though and it is becoming rather frustrating. We have tried all sorts but the man either doesn't understand what we are asking, is too strong to give us what we want or doesn't know how to get into the cave himself.
Since we all know that Andy Lam is a smart cookie it is safe to say he understands our requests. Since we know that Andy has been inside the cave we can assume he knows how to enter it himself. That leaves only the middle option: that he is too strong (or stupid) to give us what we want. That will change.
Since today is "BEAT TUESDAY" as Andy would say we are going to try a new tactic. Don't worry, we aren't going to "BEAT" him per se (well, maybe a little). Believe me, when it comes to beating, my team is well versed in the practice. While none of them have been beaten themselves they have seen it happen to friends and family since time immemorial. Sometimes these beatings whip people up to a frothy frenzy. Perhaps that is what we shell do to Andy if he insists on remaining uncooperative . . . time will tell.
Now I wouldn't be much of a super villain if I didn't spend a little time monologuing and so here it goes. First, let me say that you will never see me on social media. That is for saps and suckers. Nevertheless, I - and my legions - are everywhere. There are billions of us in you homes and stores and schools and farms and everyplace else you can think of.
My name, as Andy has foolishly mentioned in the past, is Rex Ovum Mundi and I am King Egg of the World. I command a massive army of thin-shelled warriors that are ever ready to do my bidding. When I learned of Andy Lam's greatest treasure - one he said might be sat on by a chicken - I realized it might be the fabled Orange Egg of Supra Ovo Regno. That egg, were it allowed to hatch, would introduce into the world the only force greater than myself.
Clearly this is something I cannot allow to happen. So, a week ago, my eggs and I made our move. We snuck towards Andy's "compound" right in the middle of the day. Right under his very nose. I tricked his chef (using my powerful hypnosis, which works even at long distance) to undertake the creation of the worlds largest omelet. To do this, he would need 10,000 eggs. And so, flat after flat of my bravest warriors were brought right into Andy's home, a modern-day Trojan horse, so to speak.
This initial success was followed by another swift victory as we whisked Andy off to my own waiting Ovoid Airship hovering above his compound. Since then, however, things have progressed more slowly. Initially we told Andy he had been gravely injured in an adventuring accident and that my team of eggsperts were there to help. Given Andy's track record this was entirely plausible. We plied him with pampering treatments and cloying words - all designed to gain access to his most secret treasure cave!
Alas, these efforts have been to no avail! Eventually Andy realized that we were not who we said we were. He was astute enough, after a few days, to realize that we were an army of eggs rather than a crack medical team. Once he realized this his massive brain snapped into gear and he immediately understood the nature of our mission. Since then he has kept his mouth shut - and if you know Andy you will know this is not his natural state.
Today will be different. Today I have summoned my egg beaters and they will do their messy work, flinging themselves in wave after suicidal wave against the bulwark that is Andy Lam. Being pelted by my egg army for hour after hour is sure to crack him! And when he cracks, I will gain access to the cave and retrieve (and destroy) the Orange Egg of Supra Ovo Regno.
And then I will return Andy to his regularly scheduled life of inanity. Frankly, it can't happen soon enough as this is interfering with my own plans for world domination. You will have your idiot back and I will be on my way.
R.O.M.
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